This used to be a funhouse

It’s really too hot to do anything, which is why I never have anything to blog about… or at least that’s the excuse I’m going to use. If I were outside typing this I would probably already be dripping in sweat just from the energy of typing this and really just from sitting still.

I went out of town this weekend and had a very nice relaxing time. I just hung out with friends and spent a lot of time chillaxing, eating, drinking wine and watching movies. I needed that break from my life to distress and become somewhat normal again. I don’t strive to be totally normal.

It felt super weird to leave my new house all alone. I was really worried about it. I didn’t realize until Thursday night that I needed to get someone to water my plants while I was gone. Thankfully my friend Heather has no life and agreed to do it. YAYS! I need to become BFFs with some neighbors so I can con them into doing it next time.

I finally got the chair/stools for my dining table Monday. I am so happy to have that completed. It took me a few hours to put them together, but it’s all done now. I still need to buy a headboard (or possibly make one) for my bed. I think I might be crafty enough to do it, but I’ll have to borrow some real manly tools and I probably want to save that project until it’s a little cooler to go outside to work and be manly.

I still can’t decide on a light for my dining room. I took down the ugly brass thing that was offending the entire house and everyone that came in. I hid it in the garage, where it could no longer hurt people. Last night I shopped on-line for hours trying to find a new one and I’ve found a few that I like, but I just can’t make up my mind. I was sitting in the dining room and when it started to get dark I realized that I really needed a light fixture in there, so I decided to get crafty.

I painted the hideous brass chandelier a glossy white and painted the glass light shades yellow. It’s kind of tacky, but I like it. I like tacky. That’s probably why I’m friends with YOU. I almost thought it was too tacky to hang up, but I did it anyway and I really like it. I can live with this until I find something I really like.

I’ve been doing so well at watering my grass and plants every night. I even bought some liquid sea tea fertilizer, or something crazy like that, and I’ve been spraying that on my plants. It smells ungodly, or as Wanda Sykes would say, “Smells like you sold your soul to the devil.” That doesn’t really make sense, but it’s funny. The fertilizer has helped a lot and my plants are thriving!

The worst thing about watering every night is that I keep getting eaten up by bugs. I don’t know what kind of bugs yet because they are super stealthy and I never see them or feel them until they’ve stolen chunks of my flesh.

I had no idea I was so delicious… actually yeah I already knew that. Anyway… I bought some bug spray (Off Deep Woods) but if I spray myself down before going to water each night, then I’m going to need to take a shower before going to bed because I can’t sleep with that poison on me and LORD knows it doesn’t smell good.

I can’t shower at night because showering in the morning is the only thing that wakes me up from my daily hibernation. I could take two showers every day, but that would be seriously irresponsible and a total waste of water. Plus, I’m not made of money. I can’t be watering the yard every day and taking two showers. I’m not trying to be Lance Armstrong (aka the biggest water user in Austin, according to the city).

So I guess I just keep feeding the bugs all my deliciousness and spend every night lying in bed itching instead of sleeping. And when I don’t get any sleep I get grumpy (I also get grumpy when I’m hungry or breathing) and then nobody is happy.

Tonight I’m going to work on cleaning and well.. I don’t know… maybe nothing and then some watching SYTYCD.

And just for those who were wondering and insinuating otherwise, there is no lint in my belly button or between my toes… nothing but rainbows and glitter in there.

Oh and I’m sick of hearing about Michael Jackson, yes her was talented, but he was a druggy. He’s not a hero. You shouldn’t celebrate someone who basically killed himself with poor eating and overdosing on drugs. Celebrate his past but make note that this is not how to live your life. I felt the same way about Heath Ledger.